2005/2006 League & Cup Champions

Photo from the heyday of Upstarts hockey hoping to return to their winning ways in this weekend's Cup final against Panthers.

Knockout Round 1: Upstarts 6 - Chameleons 1

Upstarts 6 Chameleons 1

When Keir finally left the playing field late in the first half, mumbling something along the lines of 'I'll be back', he looked like an extra from that well known cult horror movie, 'Zombie Massacre Chainsaw Hack Fest - 7'.

I mean, how does anyone as lithe as Savage have that much blood in him? He must have bled a whole Kaniaru. (A Kenyan colloquialism for 14 pints, derived from our esteemed sweepers' average Friday night intake of alcohol). The blood was everywhere, all up the walls, on the spectators and all over Chameleon’s new shirts. By all accounts the ambulance had to be jet washed, (twice), and the astro pitch could be out of action until Cup Match.

We had all arrived pretty much on time to the sound of large crowds and air horns. It was quite flattering, until we realized all the noise was coming from the football pitch. There was a cup final going on and the queue at the fast food stand was 400 deep. Apparently one of the famous local football fans, was on his 12th Mega Triple Cheeseburger with a Hot Dog in it and 14th bucket of fries. The horns were blasting, encouraging him to keep going.

Our game started well with a record squad of 14 match hungry, slightly over aged Upstarts, pitched against our old foes, the Chameleons. It was the preliminary round of the annual Knock-out Cup, the draw for which was almost certainly fixed by the BHF in order to reduce the average weight of the four semi-finalists, by immediately eliminating one of the two fattest teams.

The first 20 minutes were as frustrating as usual, with a few half chances for us and none for them. We took the lead in the 23rd minute, when Gary expertly scuffed a shot from Donny's short corner push out into the far corner. The normally excellent Mark Stevens in goal for Chameleons, was obviously astounded by the crapness of the shot and watched hopelessly as the ball went in under his kicker.

Gary made up for his scuff in style a few minutes later as he brilliantly committed the keeper and lifted the ball over him for number two. Not long after, Adrian blasted a ball into the D from a right midfield position. An excellent hit from our left back, who was more than 50 yards away from where he should have been. Fortunately Martin picked the pass up and whacked it past Stephens at 120mph. Amazingly, Martin even had his hands on his stick in the right order. This was easy.

Then it happened. Our player of the year, Keir Savage, put his life on the line for the club he loves. Prior to the incident, Keir had been all over the pitch, making tackles, looking far too much like a hockey player, and encouraging his team-mates to follow his lead. We were three nil up and Keir didn’t want us to lose momentum. Deep in the Chameleons half, a hapless defender tried to put the ball into touch, but Keir was having none of it. He attempted to catch the touchline bound ball with his teeth, but alas, he misjudged the maneuver by millimeters.

By the time I reached our by now prone hero, Keir looked like a freshly completed autopsy.

It was not a pretty sight. Two Chameleons had fainted, 'someone' had dropped his mega bucket, and the umpires were trying to stop the bleeding. An ambulance was called and the Bermuda Regiment were called into the transfusion ward to give blood. All this, for what turned out to be a cut lip. What a bloody great big girl.

With Keir leaving the stadium under his own steam en-route to the emergency ward, we had to re-organise to keep our lead until half time. The ever versatile Alan went to left back and Adrian went somewhere else. We held on to make it to half time without conceding.

The Second half started badly, we were quite simply awful for the first ten minutes. Fortunately Chameleons only managed to score one goal, thanks largely to Kev, who made several excellent saves.

I had a quiet game, spent mainly on the bench admiring the carnage, saving myself for the ensuing rounds.

My only real move of note was early in the second half, when I picked up the ball just outside our D, slotted it past a Chameleons defender and modestly ran at blinding pace (with the ball), to the other end of the pitch, easily beating three Chameleons on the way. Upon arriving at their D, I was presented with two options.

Option 1: send the remaining Chameleons defender the wrong way, reverse stick the ball into the D, slightly lifting it to get it bouncing, and then roof it into the net to restore our three goal advantage, before going back to the bench for a sit down.

or:

Option 2: send the remaining Chameleons defender the wrong way, unselfishly pass the ball to Skiller's open stick for him to slot the ball into the open net past the now out of position remaining Chameleons defender and goalkeeper.

What was I thinking. In life, not just in hockey, I think it always pays to take option 1. The elegance of Skiller's back pass to the Chameleons goalkeeper was almost on a par with its effectiveness. Mark had time to stop the ball with his left foot, adjust his helmet strap and then launch the ball 60 yards up the pitch towards our D with his right foot.

Without offering any other comments, Skiller simply looked at me, paused, and said, 'I think I'd better go and play in defence.'

I nodded, suggested he go and stand by Adrian, and then went for that sit down anyway.

Shortly afterwards we were fortunately given a penalty when Gary’s lob was helped over the bar in some sort of illegal fashion by a Chameleon. Gary netted without fuss and our three goal lead was restored.

After some excellent work from JT on the left, Gary blasted in his fourth goal and our fifth from about three inches. Two minutes later, an event occurred that shocked the entire ground. Had Useless Eddie finished another mega bucket? Had a Canadian bought a drink? No, Jon Brunson scored a goal.

Our man Gary, who never passes to me, rounded a load of Chameleons and slotted the ball to Martin at the far post. Martin lined up his stick to sweep the ball into the net, but it never arrived. That man Brunson appeared from nowhere, whacked at the ball with a portion of his stick that he's never used before, and smashed it into the back boards. His goal celebration was nothing short of amazing. He rolled around on the floor and screamed at the top of his voice. I thought, 'oh no he's having a fit,' or 'one of his arms has come off.’ But no, Alan said he always does that when he scores, it's just that none of us had seen it before. At the end of the day, it was another great performance from Jon, let’s hope he keeps those celebrations coming.

So there we have it. 6-1 to the Upstarts. It should have been more. Donny had a perfectly good goal disallowed and Kirk came close several times. Our defence was excellent, with Kaniaru and Davy stopping everything.

We’re into the semis against Rebels, a match we should win. But then I don't think we've won two on the bounce for quite some time. This will have to change. We want that cup gentlemen, we want that cup.

Phil

PS: Martin. Keir will need some new kit as there’s no way he’s going to get all the blood off his old stuff. Can you tell him the shorts are $40, the shirts are $65 and the socks $20.